On Friday evening I took the kids out to the park before dinner. As we walked by the opening path we could see a few other kids playing in the distance - the mothers stood watch and monitored their kids like all of us parents normally do. Of course Landon is always ecstatic to see the other kids and wastes no time running up to them to say HI! He enjoyed digging in the sand with colourful shovels and scoops that the other kids willingly shared, as well as learning the new and confusing (to him) concept of playing tag.
I said hello to a few of the other Mom's standing by. We engaged in small talk about the weather, how many bee's have been swarming like crazy around the play equipment lately, and answering questions back and forth about how old our kids are and what we do for a living.
And there it is. That question.
"What do you do for work?" one woman asked.
A part of you wants to change the topic. But you answer the question and try not to hold your breath.
"I'm a stay at home Mom" I replied...
You wait for it. And then there it is.
That little nod of the head and pity in the voice.
Then come the little comments. Those slighty insensitive comments that I've gotten too many times to count. You stand there and wonder if some people actually think about what they're about to say before those words come flooding out. After being in this situation many times before, I'll be happy to report that this hasn't been the case in every situation. Thankfully!!! But eventually some of the misconceptions of being a stay at home Mom begin to be too much to ignore.
This time and every other time it's happened, I left feeling irritated and discouraged. How can you not?
But getting a few encouraging comments in between the inconsiderate ones really helps the soul. I am thankful for my husband's sweet and comforting words as well as good strong friendships from women in the same situation as I. It can be hard in the beginning to not take these words seriously. But over the past few days I've learned to have confidence in my decisions and this important choice I've made for my life and my family. No matter how "boring" or "unfulfilling" people might think my life is - I know that it's completely the opposite. I need to take on this job with pride and embrace it. God has given me this important roll for my life and in that I am thankful, content, and satisfied. We should respect all mothers and each of our decisions and choices we've made for our lives and families.
I've kept these comments in my head over the years...and learned to find humor in them.
So that being said...
Here are some things you should never say to a stay at home Mom!
1. You look so tired.
(That is something you just shouldn't say to any woman - let alone a busy mother.)
2. I couldn't stay at home with the kids all day and do nothing.
(Hmm, I can't do nothing either. And as far as not wanting to be with the kids all day - You're missing out.)
3. So you're just a Mom?
(Sorry to hear that you think that isn't enough?)
4. I'd get so much done if I was home all day.
(You're funny. I once thought this way too.)
5. Your husband must make big bucks if you can afford not to work.
(Because you need to be a millionaire these days to raise children right? Wrong-o. If people would stop thinking they always need the latest and greatest, they'd be able to do the same.)
6. So, what else do you do?
(I'm sorry. I won't be able to explain it all to you in a matter of minutes.)
7. You know...Oxi clean would get that stain right out of your shirt...
(Oh, thanks... But there will be another one there tomorrow anyway. And another after that. I gave up on this shirt.)
8. You must get bored.
(No way. I'm too busy keeping this household running.)
9. Your husband must love all the home cooked meals.
(If you call tortellini from Costco and store bought frozen perogies home cooked...then sure!)
10. It must be nice not to have to go to work.
(You're right actually. Because then I'd have 3 FULL TIME JOBS!)
11. Your hair looks good messy...
(Thanks! It's my go-to look!)
12. What do you do with all your free time?
(Hmm, let's see...Take a shower?)
13. Your son is HUGE! Is he seriously only 2 years old?
(yes I'm serious. Why would I make that up?)
14. Must be relaxing.
(Actually no. I burn more calories at home than I do in my Zumba class at the gym.)
15. I could never do what you do. I'd die without adult conversation.
(Oh so you don't own a phone and don't have any friends to plan play dates with? That's sad.)
16. Hey, are you getting any of my text messages? I sent them 10 minutes ago already.
(Sorry I can't text and change my child's clothes and a poopy blowout diaper at the same time. I'm just not that talented.)
17. Do you miss not having a real job?
(Ok wait. Who says being a devoted mother isn't a real job? I hear you complain more about your job then I do about mine actually.)
18. I'm sure if you were working your son wouldn't be so clingy. It's because your with him all day long.
(Oh...your child isn't wanting to cuddle and spend time with you (that's called clingy now) after they've been away from you all day?
19. Just go to bed early.
(Totally! I'll aim for 11:30 tonight. Not happening though.)
20. Don't you feel unfulfilled?
(Definitely not. These memories I'm making with my kids will last forever.)
21. I wish I could get pregnant so I could stop working too.
(Maybe you'd like to rethink and rephrase what you just said. Makes absolutely no sense to me...)
22. I'd be so bored at home 24/7.
(Trust me, there's no time for boredom.)
23. I'd hate just talking to babies/kids all day long.
(Really? That's funny. Talking to kids can actually be more entertaining than talking to adults sometimes.)
24. Sleeping in every morning must be so nice.
(What time do you think my kids are awake at?)
25. "Just a Mom"
(Oh boy! Hold on a second. My blood is boiling, No comment to this comment.)
26. I'd lose my mind. Seriously I'd go crazy.
(Ok, did you not just sound crazy right now?)
27. What do you do all day?
(What don't I do?)
28. Does your husband give you an allowance from his paycheck?
(Do I tip my husband if he watches the kids for a long period of time on the weekend? Sounds silly doesn't it...And if my husband ever decided to give me an "allowance" I'd just laugh and go by diapers and formula with it anyway.)
29. What did you use to do when you worked?
(I still work. I actually work harder now than I ever did.)
30. You don't work so I'm not sure if you'd understand.
(Try me......)
31. Terrible 2's eh?
(Not quite. My son would just rather walk around the store then be in this shopping cart. Thanks for pointing that out loud and clear in front of this aisle full of people though. Like I needed more attention drawn to the fact that my child is crying loud in public at the moment.)
32. Being a stay at home mom is taking the easy way out.
(Oh really eh? Then why didn't you choose it? Hmm...I thought so.)
33. You should look for a job that you can do from home.
( I did already...And I chose this one.)
Little things add up to big things. Those things matter. I say those things are enough
Being a mom is simply enough.
S.
.
